There's a whole 'nother person inside of me

*Note* I wrote this post last week, and saved it till I could look it over some more. It is a bit longer than I like, and I debated with breaking it up into 3 posts. But my laptop and wireless are both on the fritz this week, so I gave in and posted it whole. Oh well!


I have been having the feeling lately there is a whole 'nother person inside of me, just begging to get out. No, I don't mean a freaky Alien scene, and no I'm not pregnant. What I mean is there are things I want to do, ways I want to live, and don't for many reasons. So I feel this other person is bottled up, just waiting to be freed.

I would love to go totally vegetarian, organic, green, livin' off the land, and sewin' my own clothes. There is just a few problems with that.

I don't sew. Don't have a sewing machine. The one dress I made in Home Ec in 7th grade I never wore because I was embarrassed of how pitiful it looked. I would like to learn to sew, but don't want to invest in a machine and lessons in case I do indeed have no sewing talent, or cannot devote the time. But it's a nice thought.

I don't own a plot of land, much less a large farm. The land we do rent is not large enough (and full of sand) for a good garden. We do have some veggies currently growing in our front flower bed (yes, that's right, the flower bed!) thanks to Carl and the girls during a spontaneous Science lesson. So far they are surviving, although a little wilted. Let's hope after today's storm they aren't washed away! But the purple blossoms were very pretty last week.

Vegetarian? I was actually in a vegetarian phase when I met my husband. I tend to have one or two phases a year, where I just can't stand meat, and refuse to eat it. My husband and oldest daughter would never let me serve a meal without meat. Jeremy will eat just about anything I put in front of him, and Heidi would be happy if I only served grilled cheese sandwiches or cereal. But a meal without meat and potatoes? No way. I even hesitate to buy myself fresh veggies because I am the only one who would eat them. So I compromise, and cook meals we would all like, but not quite the way I would like them. I know Carl has compromised too. He has let me experiment with some things, like my own homemade spaghetti sauce with zucchini, squash, and tomatoes. (He really likes it!) Today I tried hummus for the first time. Hannah and I mixed it up, and tried it with our homemade pita bread. The girls loved the bread, but not the hummus. Oh well, I like it!

Carl has no problem with me "going green" (although he thinks its one of those weird hippy things I do). I love the Clorox green cleaning products, especially the bathroom cleaner. It smells like lemonade! I have also used the simple "old time" things, like baking soda, vinegar, and lemon juice (still smells good, and it's cheaper). It works pretty well. Hannah and I are germaphobs (not sure what the real term is, but this is what we call it), and I have kept on using my disinfectant for the kitchen (non-beach). I'm not sure what green products will still kill those nasty germs after raw meats. I need to do a little more research!

Carl will call me a hippy at times, and I balk. But I can see why he thinks that. You want to know my most recent experiment? No shampoo. Yep, that's right, no shampoo! I found a blogger that uses only baking soda (shampoo) and apple cider vinegar (conditioner). She has used it for many months and loves it. I've only used it one week, and I'm still not sure. I love the idea, it is much healthier than the chemicals in store bought products, and much cheaper. But will it clean my hair well enough? I still use products like hair serum, mousse, and hair spray. I do have naturally curly hair, and if I used nothing to tame it, I would be a little scary looking! Don't believe me? I can show you many photos of me in junior high.

Hannah was interested in the baking soda idea. She loves natural healthy things too, and does not like the idea of things that hurt us or the environment. But the vinegar? She laughed so hard she cried!!! She was imagining me smelling like a pickle. She's too cute! I told her I would not smell like a pickle, and the smell only lasts till you rinse (I hope!). But I have been wondering where the Easter eggs are these last few days while I "condition".

I will give it a few more days, then I may have to go back to shampoo. Or I may look for other options. I know there are organic products I could buy, but I'm sure they are not cheaper. I want something that is healthier and cheaper. You know, so I can keep affording my curly hair taming products. I figure at least I am protecting myself from half of the unhealthy stuff, but I can't go cold turkey.

I am trying to find ways to let this "other person" out, even if it can't be fully free. Maybe it will be a gradual thing, and one day I can be the "me" I truly feel inside. But I'll probably still buy store bought clothes!